Temptation

Perhaps the most difficult part about my new job has to be this business of actually getting business done. At Starbucks, it was easy. I had supervisors to tell me when to work and when to take a break. There was little down-time, and certainly no room for distraction. On the downside I felt like a rusty old latte-makin’ robit (or “robot” for those born after 1950).

Now, I’m my own boss (sort of – I still answer to Mr. Paduta) and I’m forced to create *gulp* my own schedule.

This would be easy if I had an office to go to, but about 90% of the work I do is on my computer, and from home. And, to make matters worse, I am easily distracted. For example, this blog or what our grandparents might call an “electric hobby” – after typing in the title to this installment of S.P.M.B I was quickly reminded of one of my favorite 80s songs, which then led to me to find this gem of a music video, THEREBY distracting me from my original distraction. Enjoy:



Fitting, no?

Stuffy African-American woman looking to spice up her life goes to Billy Idol’s less attractive older brother (a.k.a. the devil) at his Burton-esque office to have her wildest dreams fulfilled only to be led ASTRAY by the wickedness of temp-ta-tion!

Pretty spot on, except I could never pull off that be-sequined number she asked the devil for. Nor that hairdo, might I add.

In the spirit of this distraction, I figured this post should be ALL about my various temptations in a sort-of Catholic attempt at penance – a list of those things that keep me from that other thing I should probably be doing right now. I’ll narrow it down to five, because I’m sure there are things you need to do too, right . . ?

Shoulder Pads Mean Business

Nothing says “don’t do work” like a blog inspired by women who do imaginary work on television. Thank you Murphy Brown!

The Netflix “Watch Instantly” Queue

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You see, I start with one movie in mind, and then Master Netflix computer offers me dozens of other suggestions I’ve never heard of which only leads me to research the likes of Goddard, Kurosawa, and what the heck “Caligula” is all about. This then results in a standard-issue panic attack, caused by the fear of dying before I get to see every movie/television series on my queue.
 
Podcasts, podcasts, PODCASTS!
 
Thanks to a very good friend of mine (you know who you are) I have recently downloaded a BUNCH of podcasts. How-ever, do any of you realize just how many G.D. podcasts there are? And how behind I am for that matter? There’s “I Love Movies” with Doug Benson, and “Comedy and Everything Else” and “SModCast” and . . .
 
Yep. You guessed it. Another panic attack.
 
But, I think I have this figured out. I will listen to a new podcast every time I work-out (which is supposed to be everyday). That way I keep up on my pod-pop culture while getting my swell on at the gym.
 
Now, sifting and downloading is another story.
 
Country Life™
 

I can’t help it! Would you just look at my farm?!? I have carrots, grapes, tomatoes, and corn. Oh, and did I mention a cheese maker???

Last but certainly not least . . .

My Family and Friends

They are great! I love having dinner and watching “Two and a Half Men” with them or going out to the Lavender district to see which straight boy can “gay-up” the most free drinks (i.e. friends – I don’t do this with my family). I even enjoy a nice game night with either group of real live people.

[Who am I kidding? This last category was my attempt at not looking like such a creepy, nerdy loner. Which reminds me: comic books get an honorable mention on my list of temptations. Oh, and video games. Can’t forget about video games.]

Back to work.

K.O.

Meg Has Gone Bye-Bye, Egon.

First off an apology to all three or four of you who have started to read my blog on a regular basis. I have not posted in a few days and quite frankly I almost stopped writing it altogether because, ahem . . .
I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!

That’s right – I got a really real job that makes really real money. And it’s with this amazing new company:

Paduta collects new music from indie artists from all genres who either are not signed to any label or who have created their own label to produce and release their music and posts their music in an interactive forum where they can gain exposure and read feedback from listeners.

It’s also less expensive then iTunes, and features a blog, reviews, along with links to artists’ web pages. I’ve already written some reviews for this site, but on Monday my boss asked if I wanted to take on the responsibility of promoting the site, writing their blog, and scouting for more music.

Yep. I’m still pinching myself.

So I was torn about continuing this blog. I mean, originally the whole point was to talk about my struggle to find a job – and, not to brag but, ahem . . .

I GOT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That was a la Janine Melnitz from Ghostbusters, in case you were curious.)

Whoa, wait a minute: Janine Melnitz was played by Annie Potts. And Annie Potts was a . . .

Designing Woman!!!
But, after talking to a few of the members of the S.P.M.B. Fan Club, I realized that I needed to keep this going. And ironically enough, I have never been in this position before. You see, I’ve been hired by Paduta as an independent contractor. That means I’m essentially my own company. I make my own hours. I had to write a business proposal! I’m getting business cards!!!

This isn’t Starbucks anymore, Toto. This is the really real world. You have to turn off the T.V., and stop planting new crops on your “Country Life” farm and get on the ball!
I’m a business woman now and I need to get to work because I only have one jacket with shoulder pads!

Quick! To Dress Barn for Women!

Keep checking back to read about fun things like buying office supplies, traveling on the company dime, and crapping myself all the time.

And thanks!

Italian Maggot Cheese

Don’t freak out.

Yes, this cheese has maggots in it. And, yes. You’re supposed to eat it.

But wait! There’s more!

It’s $100 per pound.

Let me explain . . .

It’s called Cazu Marzu, a Pecorino-derived delicacy officially produced in Sardinia, Italy and made from sheep’s milk. You know how real Champagne can only come from the Champagne region in France? Well, true Cazu Marzu comes from Sardinia.

Apparently in the early stages of their development, the maggots secrete a particular enzyme that gives this cheese a pungent and singular flavor – this enzyme fermentation actually rots the cheese, but also makes it soft and flavorful. The catch is you have to eat the Cazu Marzu while the maggots are still alive - otherwise the cheese becomes toxic.

*NOTE* Yes, by eating maggots one also runs the risk of getting the nasty larval infection known as enteric myiasis which can cause nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, and bloody poopie.

So why eat it in the first place?

Tradition – already outlawed, the EU lifted the ban recently calling Cazu Marzu a regional traditional delicacy due to the fact that is has been produced with the same recipe for over 25 years.

As if you haven’t purchased a bottle of tequila with the worm at the bottom? Weird foods like this can be found around the world. And people make actual money off these strange epicuriosities.

And honestly, I’d kill to make Italian Maggot Cheese for a living. I mean, have you seen Sardinia lately?

 

Living a simple life by making a traditional product in a beautiful country, filled with history and culture -

 

I rest my case. 

 


For more on Italian Maggot Cheese, watch this clip from Gordon Ramsey’s “F Word.”

Damn good coffee . . . and HOT (ladies)!

What irritates me the most lately is that I just barely fit all the requirements listed in a particular job’s ad. Take this one for example from Craigslist:

Bikini Baristas - Drive thru (sacramento)

Sacramentos First Drive Thru Bikini Espresso Stand <-- Finally!
Drive thru coffee shop now hiring Baristas. Must be comfortable working in a bikini or themed costume. <--Does my Scully costume from my junior year Drama Club awards show in high school count? It does include standard Government Issue heels.

Must have Barista experience or be overwhelming qualified in other areas. <-- Except the English language. Will consider Training period. <-- What about time off for periods? Who wants to stand in a bikini when you’re bloated and irritable? “Hi, welcome to Cowgirls. Do you think I look fat in this?”

Must be able to work in fast paced environment. Be energetic, upbeat, honest and reliable.

Confident in her ability to prepare and serve coffee and espresso drinks in a Bikini. <-- I tell you what. Go ahead and let these girls prance about in their undies all day without an apron or sufficiently protective clothing. Let’s see how long it takes before one of them gets a third degree burn in the crotch area.

Be an Excellent Communicator. <-- Does, “Hey babe, how can I best serve you” count? Sharp memory for names and drinks will increase your take home pay.

Looking for both full time and part time positions. (hours are 6:00 am to 5:00 pm)

Reliable transportation and a cell phone. <-- I’m thinking white Honda civics with Roxy stickers and a 99% angel license plate frame, oh, and . . . pink bedazzled cell phone cases.

Must be a team player and able to leave drama at home. <-- HA HA! Good luck, holmes! You’re putting two or three half-naked girls in a small space competing for money and attention for 6-8 hours at a time. Give it a few days and it’ll be American Gladiator in there!

youtube "hot coffee girls part 2" for more info <-- Don’t mind if I do. (See Below)

Resumes without photo will not be considered <-- I wouldn’t DREAM of not attaching a close-up picture of me with braces at 13 years old on the night of my best friend’s Bat Mitzvah!

Location: sacramento

Compensation: $8.50 per hour. tips could exceed $20 to $40 per hour

Go ahead . . . you know you want to.



You see: four years of expert barista training, experience in one of the highest volume coffee chains in the world, not to mention award-winning customer service and I couldn’t get this job because I refuse to parade around dangerously hot products in my swimmin’ suit.

I can guess what you’re thinking. I’m only pissed off at this job listing because I don’t think I look good in a bikini and I’m just jealous of the girls who are.

Hell no! I know I don’t look good in a bikini!

I hate this job listing because it puts these women in a serious sketchy atmosphere all day long. There are no athletic male body guards at the little espresso hut. There isn’t a big tall butch lesbian manager (and hot wing expert) to keep the customers in line. Did you hear the girl say she’s had multiple (MULTIPLE) marriage proposals?

What is the owner of this business thinking?!? How many lawyers does he have? Hey, I’ve got a math problem for him: Hot milk + bare-skinned twenty-something females + sexually frustrated forty-something males = big freakin’ lawsuit!

And to the girls who are using this job to put themselves through school or to pay off their overwhelming (correct use of this word, I might add) and unnecessary credit card debt (thanks to Juicy and Victoria’s Secret) go to http://www.starbucks.com/. You might not get $700 per day, but I’m pretty sure you’ll reduce your chances of getting diced up and thrown into an industrial sized freezer by the neighborhood creep.

As for me, I’m off to a second interview with Sacramento News & Review . . . in slacks!

Nobody Messes with a Sugarbaker

A Little Back Story

Recently, I made a hasty but necessary career move. After four years of working for Starbucks, collecting my inexpensive health care, and a 30% discount, I quit.

What? In this economy!?! Yep.

You see, I did what I was supposed to do, what all my high school teachers, what my parents and my grandparents told me to do and I got my degree. And not just any degree but a degree in something I love: literature. Yet soon after, I was asked the question apparently every student gets asked when they major in something other than business or real estate: what do you plan on doing with that?

At first I was angered by this question. I felt betrayed by their advice. Go to college: did it. Get a degree: done. Get a degree in something useful: wait, what? I wanted to become a teacher. How is that not “useful?” I was headed straight to graduate school. I was going to come out with my Masters and get a job at some small but respected junior college somewhere.

I had a plan. Why couldn’t they see that?

Oh right, my bad: the eternal American scapegoat: the economy.

So, do to lack of my own funds, and because Sac State is run by a bunch of idiots, I didn’t go back to school. But I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t let them win. I figured if that didn’t pan out I could do something else: become a writer, a tutor, hell maybe even get my credential and teach snot-nosed seventh graders.

But, I didn’t. Point goes to the critics.

Instead, I stuck with the seemingly easier alternative. I attempted to search for a better job while I smothered myself with the security blanket of affordable health care and slowly suffocated at an automatic espresso machine.

What Would Julia Sugarbaker Do?

Even if you've never watched an episode of Designing Women, after watching the clip above, you can't help but feel the raw power of the Sugarbaker woman. I grew up watching re-runs of this show and thinking that these were powerful women. They owned their own business; they wore shoulder pads, but most importantly the Sugarbakers driven by their wisdom, and their southern charm, achieved success.

. . . and when backed into a corner, the Sugarbaker woman strikes back with all her might. The answer to my question was clear: Julia Sugarbaker would have told Starbucks to stick their job where the sun don't shine, honey!

Now, I'm happily unemployed, making a little money on the side writing music reviews, and with all this extra time on my hands, I wondered if other people my age are going through the same problems I am: we got the degree, but can't seem to find that perfect job, we can't start that career.

The Point

This blog is going to be a forum to talk about my successes, my failures, and to vent my frustrations while on the search for a job I can be proud of. At the same time, I hope that others in my dilemma can read this blog and feel like they are not alone.

I hope that everyone (men and women alike) will share their experiences, and with our collective wisdom help each other out in these difficult times.

Because we are all Sugarbakers here.